I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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