Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Will exercising make me less horny?
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