There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
