the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
