you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
