so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
