I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
