I like to think it a success when the cops are called
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
