I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
