I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
