Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
