I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize