I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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