Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize