Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
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I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Boobs speak an international language.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
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his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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