I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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