no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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