Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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