Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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