U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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