ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
