yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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