k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize