so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
