Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
its liver damage thursday
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
