While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
