i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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