Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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