you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
