Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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