sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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