he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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