We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
