I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
