But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
