I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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