Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
