Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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