I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
