your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
