btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
