i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
