i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
