I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
