I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have tasted many bathrooms
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
