Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He better not be in your backpack
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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