friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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