It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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