I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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