just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
