Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
