I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
