We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
