She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
