About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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