Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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