i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
