she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
