she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
