wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My ass is underappreciated
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
