I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
