You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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