at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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