I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
