you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Your dad touched me again.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
